Log:Session 105 (Meta, no ontology)

[22:55] <&Hebizuka> *Welcome back to the nightmare... You have visited 15 rooms so far. Only one door ahead... You are still perfectly healthy. The next Demon Lord is in 10 rooms...* [22:55] <&Hebizuka> *Type !mrooms1 to move on.* [22:56] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [22:56] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 2093 - Roomstyle: 55 [22:58] <&Hebizuka> *An abandoned storage area... There is no evil creature here, but you see boxes which still contain stuff!* [22:59] <Jonah> This is the weirdest section of Hell I've been in. But Mazeworld's fucked in the heads /anyways/ so. [23:00] * Jonah continues to grumble as she loots through the boxes. "Seriously, no endless fire, no /sulfer,/ come on now." [23:01] <&Hebizuka> =Storage area= [23:01] <&Hebizuka> [Clothing] Footwear - Running shoes - AC Light - Blunt-resistant, Sharp-resistant, Piercing-resistant - Weight: 5 - [Cond: Damaged] [23:01] <&Hebizuka> [Money] 118 P$ [23:01] <&Hebizuka> [Item] A bottle of vinegar. [23:01] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] First aid kit (FAK) - Light limb healing. Also contains: 2x IB, 2x Paracetamol - Weight: 2 [23:01] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] Blue pill - Unidentified - Weight: 0.1 [23:01] <&Hebizuka> *No fire and brimstone. Just abandoned gear.* [23:03] <Jonah> The shoes can go hang, but... [23:04] * Jonah slips the first aid kit into her pack, as well as the pill and the cash. As for the vinegar... Jonah smashes the bottle against one of the boxes. "Break /properly/ this time, I need jagged edges, not pieces." [23:04] <&Hebizuka> *Bong. Too bad, it's a plastic bottle.* [23:05] <Jonah> Who the fuck uses /plastic/ I swear to god. [23:06] * Jonah pours the vinegar out regardless, and sticks the empty bottle with the rest of her things. "Seriously, it's so much more valuable as oil, christ." [23:06] <&Hebizuka> *You dumped the vinegar on the floor, rendering it useless.* [23:06] <&Hebizuka> *Now there's a wide pool of vinegar on the floor.* [23:11] <&Hebizuka> [Money] 1118 P$ in pouch [23:12] <&Hebizuka> [Pack/Main] 36.93/40 [23:13] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [23:13] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 5123 - Roomstyle: 298 [23:14] <Jonah> There aren't any actual /demons/ either. No devil worth their salt would outsource to zombies or vampires - seriously, /vampires?/ They're still alive, the hell are they doing down here. [23:16] <Jonah> The gods here /suck/ too. Fucking hell, Carolyn, they've really ballsed up their neck of the universe and /you don't even see it./ What's the point of a god if all they do is and out trinkets and toys? [23:16] <&Hebizuka> *A dilapidated shooting range. Still no foul creature... for now. There is an object on the ground...* [23:17] * Jonah checks out the miscellaneous on the floor, and then heads over the counters to do another quick sweep. [23:18] <Jonah> Lord Qinglong, someone is abusing Your good name. Unless this Seiryuu's an aspect of Yourself, in which case /the fuck are You sucking so bad here./ [23:18] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon accessory] Muzzle brake, .357 SIG [23:18] <&Hebizuka> *You don't even find the shadow of a spent casing. It's eerily empty.* [23:19] * Jonah absentmindedly slips te muzzle brake into her evergrowing hoard. [23:19] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [23:19] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 6 - Roomstyle: 581 [23:20] <&Hebizuka> [Pack/Main] 37.93/40 [23:21] <Jonah> And Huanglong isn't even around. And there's apparently no way to even learn about them outside of what the Mikos say, who are all so hilariously wrong it's sad. [23:22] <Jonah> Oh /Gods/ don't get me started on Contestant. /The fuck kinda title is that for a prophecy./ Life's not a game, and no divinity worth their salt would treat it like that. [23:23] <Jonah> And of course I can't actually /say/ any of these things to Carolyn lest she clamp up and just label me a heretic. It's not heresy if you're /right./ [23:23] <&Hebizuka> *An abandoned library. If there was a librarian, he'd tell you about usage fees. The computers are all out of order, but what few books are left are free for you to peruse. If you can first dispatch the draugr that currently lives here.* [23:23] <Jonah> @cover [23:23] <MazeBot> A fridge. (Health: 52, LDV modifier: -2. AC Eqv: Kevlar-3. Pass-through threshold: 10+ dmg. Pain modifier: x0.75) [23:24] * Jonah dives for the dumb, /dumb/ inexplicable fridge in the goddamn /library./ Fatass librarian. [23:25] <&Hebizuka> *You may roll to take cover.* [23:25] <Jonah> @roll 2d6 [23:25] <MazeBot> Jonah: 11 [23:25] <&Hebizuka> *You succeed easily. The draugr has not noticed you, thus you may attack this turn without retaliation.* [23:25] <&Hebizuka> *Turn 1. Next move?* [23:26] * Jonah takes a breath, then gives both her guns a quick once-over. How's her ammo count? [23:26] <&Hebizuka> *Both weapons are full.* [23:28] <Jonah> *Does the Draugr have a head or otherwise obvious weak point?* [23:29] <&Hebizuka> *The draugr is a more or less humanoid creature. It has a head.* [23:30] <Jonah> *Draugr's Head, three shots, Benelli* [23:30] <&Hebizuka> *You may roll now, as you're the only one to act this turn.* [23:30] <Jonah> @roll 3#2d6 [23:30] <MazeBot> Jonah: 8;6;6 [23:31] <&Hebizuka> *Shots 1-3: Hit (6 pel), Hit (4 pel), Hit (6 pel)* [23:31] <&Hebizuka> *Total: 3/3 hits, 16 pellets hit* [23:34] <&Hebizuka> *The draugr's head is obliterated into dark-colored mist and flesh chunks.* [23:34] <&Hebizuka> Jonah [M4S90] Draugr /H\ [B] [23:34] <&Hebizuka> *End of fight! (1 turn)* [23:34] <Jonah> And reload. Making sure there's one in the tube... [23:34] <Jonah> I miss my armor. And my sword. [23:35] <Jonah> There's no /thrill/ to using this thing. And I don't know anything about guns to even begin figuring out what's good and what's not. [23:35] <Jonah> *Reload from the pack.* [23:36] <&Hebizuka> *Benelli M4S90 reloaded to full (7+1/7, +3 Buck shells)* [23:36] <&Hebizuka> *12 gauge buckshot remaining: 22 in backpack* [23:37] <Jonah> And - library. LEt's see if there's anything blasphemous. [23:37] <Jonah> Come on, it's a library in /Hell/ there should be something depraved in here. [23:37] <&Hebizuka> *The books are scarce on each bookshelf. It looks like the library went through a fire or some other disaster.* [23:37] <&Hebizuka> *Amusingly enough, the porn section is still moderately well furnished.* [23:37] <Jonah> You know what? You know /what./ [23:38] <Jonah> Fuck it. I'll give Asmodeous some of these to pursue. [23:38] <Jonah> We can bond over porn before we fight to the death [23:38] <Jonah> . [23:38] <Jonah> Having sex with a miko is /the worst sin of all/ evidently, so Heaven knows we share a fetish. [23:39] <&Hebizuka> *Do you wish to search for something in particular?* [23:40] <Jonah> Miko porn, orgies, rape - let's just go balls to the wall. [23:40] <Jonah> I can break open some shells and use the gunpowder to fire the porn mags at Asmo. [23:42] <&Hebizuka> *You do not find anything pertaining to this specific fetish, unfortunately.* [23:43] <&Hebizuka> *Most of the remaining porn mags are vintage plain jane stuff with the occasional human-youkai periodic, and one or two candid shot collections. The rest is either gone or burned.* [23:44] <Jonah> This is the /dumbest Hell ever./ [23:44] <Jonah> 1mrooms1 [23:44] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [23:44] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 4833 - Roomstyle: 455 [23:45] <&Hebizuka> *A regular, featureless room. You spot no evil creature in here, only food on the ground.* [23:47] <Jonah> And what do we have here? [23:47] <Jonah> Flank of human? [23:47] <Jonah> Succubus thigh? [23:47] <Jonah> Spotted incubus dick? [23:47] <&Hebizuka> [Food] Dessert - Box of cookies, 6. 288kcal [23:47] <Jonah> Come to the dark side, they have cookies. [23:47] <Jonah> Screw it, I need a snack. [23:48] * Jonah sits down, stretches, and has herself a dessert of six cookies. [23:48] <&Hebizuka> *You scarf down the whole box of cookies.* [23:48] <&Hebizuka> *In the words of the Heavy: That was delicious.* [23:50] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [23:50] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 6414 - Roomstyle: 102 [23:56] <&Hebizuka> *You reach a regular, featureless room which seems to be civilized, as there are three shops set up there!* [23:56] <&Hebizuka> *One appears to be a weapon shop. Another is a nurse. The last is a delicatessen.* [23:56] <Jonah> ...The fuck are you guys /selling things./ [23:57] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Well fuck me sideways, a living being that's not undead! [23:57] <Jonah> Is there even a government that'll guarantee the value of these coins? [23:57] <Jonah> This makes no sense at all. [23:57] <~SU_Tempest> [Nurse] Well from what I hear they're made from gun-grade metal... [23:59] <Jonah> Yeah, but unless you guys have the facilities to melt down said gun-grade metal, what's the point? [23:59] <~SU_Tempest> [Deli owner] Well we're KINDA hoping to get to that point. I think a group of engineers somewhere has survived. That said we set up shop there. [00:01] <Jonah> Just - just don't sell all your food to the next idiot. It's gonna take a while to get to that point. [00:01] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] There's a few survivors that made it. Word is that big fucking demons are out though. [00:01] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] You may very well be the last one we help. So feel free. [00:02] <Jonah> They're not too big, and I meant for /yourselves./ [00:02] <Jonah> Unless the deli dude will actually charge you two for his gods in which case you're all crazy. [00:02] <Jonah> SO: Any shotgun ammunition? [00:03] <Jonah> Goods. Damn my slurring. [00:03] <~SU_Tempest> [Nurse] We agreed to give each other free supplies, under the condition that we do not split and help everyone we come across, or coming to us. [00:05] <&Hebizuka> *The weapon shop owner checks his inventory...* [00:05] <Jonah> Thank the Heavens you have /some/ sense of survival instincts. [00:05] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Wow, this is really gay. [00:05] <Jonah> Ahahahaha, no shotgun anything, right? [00:05] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] I thought I had 12 gauge in there! Not a single shell and not a single shotgun. [00:05] <Jonah> Figures. [00:05] <Jonah> Alright, what /do/ you have? [00:06] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] You know the shit hit the fan when you can't find shotguns. [00:06] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Do you want to see my list of weapons for sale? [00:07] <Jonah> Might as well splurge. Without Frag-12 I'm gonna be dead anyways. [00:08] <&Hebizuka> =Weapon shop= [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 1 - Enfield SMLE No.4 Mk.I(T) sniper rifle | .303 British - Bolt-action | Scope[4x](I) | Internal magazine, 10 rounds, no +1 | Weight: 22 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 1 - IZHMASH Mosin-Nagant M1891 rifle | 7.62x54mm R - Bolt-action | No accessory | Internal magazine, 5 rounds, no +1 | Weight: 22 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 3 - AMC Auto Mag pistol | .44 AMP - Semi-auto | No accessory | Auto Mag 7-round mag, +1 | Weight: 5 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 3 - H&K P2000 pistol | .40 S&W - Semi-auto | Rail | P2000 12-round mag, +1 | Weight: 3 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 5 Short: Tantou - Sharp/Piercing - Butchering. Weight: 5 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 3 - H&K USP-45 pistol | .45 ACP - Semi-auto | No accessory | USP45 12-round mag, +1 | Weight: 3 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 2 - KRISS Vector submachine gun | .45 ACP - Semi/Burst2/Full | Foregrip(I) | Glock 21 13-round mag, +1 | Weight: 9 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 3 - AMT Automag III pistol | .30 Carbine - Semi-auto | No accessory | Automag III 8-round mag, +1 | Weight: 5 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 4 - M84 Flashbang grenades. FT+4 for two turns. CRITFAIL affects user, FAIL nulls effect, CRITWIN stuns target 1 turn. Weight: 1/item [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 2 - Norinco QBZ-95B assault rifle | 5.8x42mm - Semi/Burst3/Full | No accessory | QBZ 5.8mm 30-round mag, +1 | Weight: 9 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 5 Long: Medieval broadsword - Sharp/Piercing. Weight: 22 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 3 - Smith & Wesson Model 10 revolver | .38 Special - Semi-auto | No accessory | Cylinder, 6 rounds | Weight: 3 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 4 - AN/M14 incendiary grenades. Causes a fiery explosion which may set on fire its victims. Weight: 3/item [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 2 - H&K G36C assault rifle | 5.56x45mm NATO - Semi/Full | Foregrip(S), Rail, Rail | G36 30-round mag, +1 | Weight: 9 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 3 - SIG Sauer P232 pistol | .380 ACP - Semi-auto | No accessory | P232 7-round mag, +1 | Weight: 3 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 1 - Norinco QBZ-95 assault rifle | 5.8x42mm - Semi/Burst3/Full | No accessory | QBZ 5.8mm 30-round mag, +1 | Weight: 14 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 1 - H&K HK416 assault rifle | 5.56x45mm NATO - Semi/Full | Rail, Rail | STANAG 30-round mag, +1 | Weight: 14 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 3 - Taurus Tracker M455 revolver | .45 ACP - Semi-auto | No accessory | Cylinder, 5 rounds | Weight: 3 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 1 - FN Herstal Mark 46 Mod 1 light machine gun | 5.56x45mm NATO - Full-auto | Bipod(S), Rail, Rail | Minimi 200-round belt | Weight: 22 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 5 Short: Wooden chopsticks - Blunt/Piercing. Weight: 1 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 5 Short: Gohei - Blunt. Weight: 3 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 5 Short: Wakizashi - Sharp/Piercing - Butchering. Weight: 9 [00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 5 Long: Cavalry sabre - Sharp/Piercing - Butchering. Weight: 22 00:08] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 5 Long: Walking cane - Blunt. Weight: 9 [00:09] <&Hebizuka> *End of list.* [00:10] <Jonah> FUCK YOU HAVE A BROADSWORD. [00:11] <Jonah> Oh god I want it. I want it bad even though it is /such a bad idea./ [00:11] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Huh? Oh. Yeah. I found that from the dead body of some guy in armor. The armor was all shot up though. [00:11] <Jonah> Damn, I would have bought that armor off you in a /flash./ [00:11] <Jonah> This stuff I'm wearing is too light for my tastes. [00:12] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] You really wouldn't have liked it. It would've protected nothing. Ventilated sheet metal it looked like. [00:12] <Jonah> It's a comfort item thing. When I die in this Hellhole I want to die as I lived. [00:12] <Jonah> With a giant sword and in a can. [00:13] <Jonah> Okay, so first, let's unload on stuff. [00:15] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Got gear to sell? Sure. [00:19] <Jonah> Better idea. Do you have enough ammunition to fully outfit that light machine gun? [00:19] <Jonah> Straight up, 200 rounds? Or at least 150? [00:20] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] What, the Mk46? [00:21] <Jonah> Yeah. [00:21] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Lemme check how many belts I got for it... [00:23] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] I only got one extra belt. Note that if you want to load them both fully you will need 400 rounds, and I only got like 100 for sale... [00:24] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] That said, 100 rounds makes for an acceptable ammo belt, even if it's half what it's supposed to be. [00:27] <Jonah> Righty that's not an option. [00:28] <Jonah> How about the HK416 rifle?How much ammo do you have for sale on that? [00:28] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Well. 100. It's the same caliber, so I have the exact same five boxes of ammo for sale. [00:28] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] That makes 3 magazines and 1/3 of a fourth. [00:29] <Jonah> I completely didn't notice that. Hmmm. [00:29] <Jonah> Okay, so - how much for the Minimi, 100 rounds, and also the broadsword? [00:30] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] The Mark 46 is 2400 P$. If you're curious, the HK416 is 1350 P$. 100 rounds of 5.56 NATO FMJ will run you 300 P$. As for the broadsword, it's 850 P$. [00:33] <Jonah> Righto. I have some things to sale. [00:33] * Jonah throws out the SIG muzzle break, the 10 rounds of tactical buckshot, the grenade launcher rounds, and the terrible, fully loaded battle rifle. [00:38] <&Hebizuka> =SELL= [00:38] <&Hebizuka> Simonov AVS-36 - 550 P$ [00:38] <&Hebizuka> 15x 7.62x54mmR, HP - 68 P$ [00:38] <&Hebizuka> Muzzle brake, .357 SIG - 88 P$ [00:38] <&Hebizuka> 10x 12 gauge, tactical buckshot - 15 P$ [00:38] <&Hebizuka> 2x 43mm, VGM-93.200 Tear gas - 50 P$ [00:38] <&Hebizuka> TOTAL: 771 P$ [00:39] <Jonah> Thanks. Give me a moment to ponder, please? I need to sell more things to the other two to get that machine gun. [00:47] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Take your time. [00:47] <Jonah> Thank you kindly. [00:51] * Jonah heads on over to the nurse, first of all. Time to dose up on tons of meds. [00:51] <Jonah> Okay, so - how much do you pay for medications that neither of us have any idea will do? [00:51] <~SU_Tempest> [Nurse] You mean unidentified meds? I'll buy them at placebo price, out of safety. [00:52] <~SU_Tempest> [Nurse] Meaning I'll buy it back for 25 P$. [00:52] * Jonah gives both of them. "Have at." [00:53] <&Hebizuka> *You sold an unidentified red pill, and an unidentified blue pill for 50 P$.* [00:53] <&Hebizuka> *Money carried: 1168 P$* [00:54] <Jonah> Righty. What else do you have for sale. [00:54] <Jonah> I will love you forever if you have steroids on you. [00:57] <~SU_Tempest> [Nurse] Afraid I don't have any steroids... [00:57] <&Hebizuka> =Nurse= [00:57] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] First aid kit (FAK) - Light limb healing. Also contains: 2x IB, 2x Paracetamol - Weight: 2 [00:57] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] Red pill - Desoxyn (meth pill) - Alertness increase, FT-1, Forced wakefulness for 3d6 turns, Libido +2d30. - Weight: 0.1 [00:57] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] Individual Bandage (IB) - Cures 1 wound. - Weight: 0.1 [00:57] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] Syringe - Lorazepam - Induces forced sleep for 20 turns. Nothing can wake up the victim until the effect ends. - Weight: 0.1 [00:57] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] White powder - PCP - Strength-10%, FT+1, Alertness increase, Hallucinations for 3d6 turns - Weight: 0.1 [00:57] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] Red pill - SSRIs - Libido -5d15, Nausea for 1d8 turns - Weight: 0.1 [00:57] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] White powder - Cocaine - Intense accelerated hunger, Alertness increase, Strength+10%, Pain sensitivity-10%, Hallucinations for 3d6 turns - Weight: 0.1 [00:57] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] White tablet - Paracetamol - Pain-15% - Weight: 0.1 [00:57] <&Hebizuka> [Meds] White tablet - Codeine - Pain-40%, Nausea, Strength-10% for 2d6 turns - Weight: 0.1 [00:58] <Jonah> Well. [00:58] <Jonah> You have the tactical cocaine. [01:01] <Jonah> Alright, thanks. Let me check out the Deli, alright? [01:01] <~SU_Tempest> [Nurse] No problem. [01:02] * Jonah heads on over to the Deli owner. "Please tell me you have teas." [01:03] <~SU_Tempest> [Deli owner] As a matter of fact I do NOT carry any teas. [01:06] <Jonah> Nuts. What /do/ you have? [01:07] <&Hebizuka> =Deli= [01:07] <&Hebizuka> [Food] Beverage - Can of energy drink. 96kcal - Strength+10%, Alertness increase for 15 turns - [Quantity: 7] [01:07] <&Hebizuka> [Food] Fast-food - Box of fried potatoes. 375kcal - [Quantity: 5] [01:07] <&Hebizuka> [Food] Fruit - Banana. 121kcal - [Quantity: 4] [01:07] <&Hebizuka> [Food] Fast-food - Box of nuggets, 6. 288kcal - [Quantity: 5] [01:07] <&Hebizuka> [Food] Snacks - Chocolate bar. 281kcal - [Quantity: 7] [01:07] <&Hebizuka> [Food] Canned goods - Rice, short-grain, cooked, canned, 700g. 910kcal - Weight: 2 - [Quantity: 5] [01:07] <&Hebizuka> [Food] Beverage - Bottle of brandy. 1404kcal - Inebriation +3d10+2 - [Quantity: 7] [01:07] <&Hebizuka> [Food] Canned goods - Ravioli with tomato and meat sauce, canned, 400g. 396kcal - [Quantity: 4] [01:07] <Jonah> You doooo have an energy drink though. It's tempting. [01:08] <~SU_Tempest> [Deli owner] I do not have one, I have 7. [01:08] <Jonah> Ah well, it's not like I'm living past this anyways. [01:09] * Jonah heads back to the nurse, and plops down the first aid kit she's found. "How much will you buy this back by?" [01:10] <~SU_Tempest> [Nurse] 200 P$. [01:11] <Jonah> Including the bandages and the painkillers inside? [01:11] <~SU_Tempest> [Nurse] Yup, that's if the FAK is unopened and complete. The separate items will come back as worth less. [01:14] <Jonah> Yo, gun dealer. How much for this pistol and associated magazines and ammo? [01:14] * Jonah shows off the H&K handgun, as well as the four magazines to him. [01:16] <&Hebizuka> =SELL= (not including the other items previously listed) [01:16] <&Hebizuka> H&K P2000 - 188 P$ [01:16] <&Hebizuka> 4x P2000 magazine - 80 P$ [01:16] <&Hebizuka> 49x .40 S&W FMJ - 37 P$ [01:16] <&Hebizuka> TOTAL: 305 P$ [01:17] <&Hebizuka> *As the previously listed items were not confirmed to be sold, they remain in your inventory.* [01:19] <Jonah> So that's 305, plus 200, plus 771 - so about 2300, which gets me juuuuust enough. [01:19] <~SU_Tempest> *If you sell all the previously listed items to the weapon shop, and the FAK to the nurse, you will have 2444 P$.* [01:19] <Jonah> Right - so I'd like to sell the handgun, as well as all its goodies and gadgets. As well as all the stuff earlier. And the first aid kit to the pretty nurse. [01:20] <&Hebizuka> *Confirm the sales? You will obtain 1276 P$.* [01:20] <Jonah> Ahh - actually. [01:21] <Jonah> Since I want the broadsword anyways, here. [01:21] * Jonah tosses him the knife and the stake as well. [01:21] <Jonah> Throw in a few coins for me there, too? [01:22] <&Hebizuka> *These two items will bring you an extra 145 P$, total sales will bring 1421 P$.* [01:22] <&Hebizuka> *Confirm?* [01:22] <Jonah> *Mhmm.* [01:24] <&Hebizuka> *A mistake has been detected - there are 8 more rounds of 43mm tear gas rounds that can be sold, which are in Vest/Nades.* [01:24] <&Hebizuka> *Sell them?* [01:25] <Jonah> *Yes please.* [01:26] <&Hebizuka> *This will bring an additional 200 P$, for a total of 1621 P$.µ [01:26] <&Hebizuka> *You've sold all of these items for 1621 P$.* [01:26] <&Hebizuka> *Total money available: 2789 P$* [01:26] <Jonah> Damn. /Damn./ [01:26] <Jonah> I really, really want the machine gun. [01:27] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Like I said. 2400 for the Mark 46, 300 for the hundred of ammunition. 850 for the broadsword. [01:27] <Jonah> Fuck it, I'm going out the way I'm going in. [01:28] <Jonah> I'll buy the assault rifle and the broadsword - and thirty rounds. Do you have any accessories for this thing? [01:29] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] I can't sell you by the round, it's in boxes of 20 - 60 P$ each. [01:31] <Jonah> I question your logic of continuing standards of selling when there's a goddamn apocalypse but fuck it, everyone in Mazeworld is crazy anyways. [01:31] <Jonah> I'll buy two boxes and sell ten rounds back to you. [01:33] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Sorry, I can't really open a box, sell you half of it, and show an already opened box of ammo to the next client... he's going to question the quality. [01:33] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] State of emergency or not, I have standards. [01:33] <Jonah> But you /just bought back/ single rounds. [01:33] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] I'm aware. [01:34] <Jonah> So /why/ can't I buy two boxes and sell ten rounds back to you? [01:34] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Nothing stops you from doing that. But if I were you, I'd AT LEAST buy three boxes and a spare mag. That way you'd have two full mags. [01:34] <Jonah> I won't be able to reload fast enough. [01:35] <Jonah> That's what the broadsword is for. [01:35] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Never say never! [01:35] <Jonah> Fine, I'll humor your dark and torrid capitalist heart. It's not like I can take the money with me anyways. [01:36] <Jonah> Three boxes, a magazine, the broadsword, and the assault rifle. [01:42] <Jonah> Also - got a muzzle break or any other accesories for the rifle? [01:43] <&Hebizuka> =BUY= [01:43] <&Hebizuka> H&K HK416 - 1350 P$ [01:43] <&Hebizuka> 1x 30-round STANAG magazine - 130 P$ [01:43] <&Hebizuka> 60x 5.56x45mm NATO, FMJ - 300 P$ [01:43] <&Hebizuka> Medieval broadsword - 850 P$ [01:43] <&Hebizuka> TOTAL: 2630 P$ [01:43] * Jonah throws down 2630 in cold, hard cash. [01:44] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] With all respect due, ma'am, I think you won't have enough money. [01:45] * Jonah taps the shotgun. [01:45] <Jonah> Gotta know my options before I make a decision. [01:59] <~SU_Tempest> *The weapon dealer searches through his stuff...* [01:59] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] Well... I have very few loose accessories, none of them will fit on the HK416 except for this. [01:59] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon accessory] Weapon light: P3X Fury Tactical. Full battery life: 100 turns. Strong light. - [Battery: 100 %] [02:00] <~SU_Tempest> [Weapon dealer] This is an extremely powerful weaponlight. It produces a blinding light. It's yours for 450 P$. [02:01] <Jonah> Somehow, all of the lights are still in working condition, so I'll take my chances. [02:01] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [02:01] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 3200 - Roomstyle: 100 [02:01] <Jonah> Here's hoping you three don't die. [02:02] <&Hebizuka> *Don't leave the room yet* [02:02] <&Hebizuka> *The HK416 is Class 1. You will need to spare the Benelli if you want to equip it.* [02:02] <&Hebizuka> *Also, do you wish to fill your magazines?* [02:04] <Jonah> *Stashing the HK, and yes, let's fill the magazines.* [02:04] <Jonah> *Keep the spare in my vest.* [02:05] <&Hebizuka> *The magazines will fit in Vest/Mags.* [02:05] <&Hebizuka> *You sit down and open the boxes of ammo to fill the HK416's magazine, plus the spare you bought...* [02:06] <&Hebizuka> *You then load one of those full mags in the HK416 which is now at [29+1/30, 30x FMJ], which leaves the other one:* [02:06] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon accessory] Magazine: STANAG 30-round magazine. Size tier: Medium ; Weight: 1+0.3 (1.3) - [30/30, 30x FMJ] [02:06] <&Hebizuka> *...which you shove in Vest/Mags, all alone with no companions.* [02:10] * Jonah takes a moment to attach her laser sight to the H&K as well. [02:13] <&Hebizuka> *You fit the AN/PEQ-5 laser sight on one of your HK416's side rails.* [02:13] <&Hebizuka> *It fits just fine.* [02:14] <&Hebizuka> [Pack/Main] 22.48/40 [02:14] <&Hebizuka> *Ready to go now?* [02:14] <Jonah> *mhmm.* [02:16] <&Hebizuka> *As a reminder: The HK416 you bought, equipped with a laser, and loaded, is now in your backpack. The medieval broadsword is now equipped as your Class 5 Long.* [02:16] <Jonah> *Duly noted.* [02:28] <&Hebizuka> *Moving forwards...* [02:35] <&Hebizuka> *A regular, featureless room. You spot a weapon on the floor...* [02:37] <Jonah> Alright, what do we have here. [02:40] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 1 - Beretta AR70/90 assault rifle | 5.56x45mm NATO - Semi/Burst3/Full | Bipod(I) | STANAG 30-round mag | Weight: 22 - [17+1/30, 18x AP] - Cond: Good / Clns: Seized up [02:40] <Jonah> ...HELLO, ARMOR PIERCING. [02:40] <&Hebizuka> *Maybe there's a god for horny fools.* [02:41] <Jonah> Okay, so - Bipod, /mine./ [02:41] <Jonah> Magazine, /also mine./ [02:42] <&Hebizuka> *The bipod is integrated to the AR70/90. You cannot remove it.* [02:42] <Jonah> Fuck. [02:42] <&Hebizuka> *You may however, salvage the magazine - and the round in the chamber, if you wish. Do so?* [02:44] <Jonah> *Yes. Place the 1 round into the H&K, and fill up the rest of the AP round-magazine with FMJ from my spare magazine. And then shove the AP magazine into the H&K.* [02:44] <Jonah> *The longer this takes the worst it gets, so better try for an alpha strike.* [02:45] <&Hebizuka> *Do you want the AP to be shot first, or the FMJ?* [02:46] <Jonah> *AP to be shot first.* [02:47] <&Hebizuka> *Please wait...* [02:48] <&Hebizuka> *Removed [30/30, 30x FMJ] from HK416. Unloaded 18 rounds of FMJ from it.* [02:48] <&Hebizuka> *Unloaded all rounds from the AR70/90's magazine, and loaded them in the HK416's magazine. It is now as follows: [30/30, << 18 AP, 12 FMJ]* [02:49] <&Hebizuka> *Loaded [30/30, << 18 AP, 12 FMJ] into HK416. Weapon is now [29+1/30, << 1 AP + 17 AP, 12 FMJ]* [02:49] <&Hebizuka> *Do you wish to spare the 18 rounds of 5.56 FMJ?* [02:49] <Jonah> *Put them in the now empty magazine, and store it on my vest.* [02:49] <&Hebizuka> *You have acquired the following:* [02:49] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon accessory] Magazine: STANAG 30-round magazine. Size tier: Medium ; Weight: 1+0.18 (1.18) - [18/30, 18x FMJ] [02:50] <&Hebizuka> *Placed in Vest/Mags.* [02:50] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [02:50] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 2927 - Roomstyle: 294 [02:52] <&Hebizuka> *A messy bedroom, with large amounts of blood on pretty much everything. It looks fresh, too. There is a bes, a humanoid demon with the head of a pig, lurking in the room. It looks very meaty.* [02:52] <Jonah> @cover [02:52] <MazeBot> A flipped wooden table. (Health: 24, LDV modifier: -1. AC Eqv: Hardskin. Pass-through threshold: 6+ dmg. Pain modifier: x1) [02:53] <&Hebizuka> *Roll to take cover now.* [02:53] <Jonah> @roll 2d6 [02:53] <MazeBot> Jonah: 11 [02:53] <&Hebizuka> *Success. You are free to act this turn.* [02:53] <&Hebizuka> *Turn 1. Next move?* [02:54] <Jonah> *Bes's head, Benelli, 3 shots.* [02:55] <&Hebizuka> *You're alone to act this turn. You may roll now.* [02:55] <Jonah> @roll 3#2d6 [02:55] <MazeBot> Jonah: 5;9;9 [02:57] <&Hebizuka> *Shots 1-3: Hit (3 pel), Hit (1 pel), Hit (3 pel)* [02:58] <&Hebizuka> *Total: 3/3 hits, 7 pellets hit* [03:00] <&Hebizuka> *Despite the Bes looking like a tough creature, and despite your pellets seem to have missed more than hit, you still score a kill.* [03:00] <&Hebizuka> Jonah [M4S90] Bes /H\ [03:00] <&Hebizuka> *End of fight! (1 turn)* [03:00] <Jonah> Right. [03:00] <Jonah> Bedroom. [03:00] <Jonah> COME ON SELF MEDICATION. [03:01] * Jonah starts ransacking everything in a vainglorious attempt for supplies. [03:01] <&Hebizuka> *You find nothing of use in this room.* [03:01] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [03:01] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 2568 - Roomstyle: 220 [03:01] * Jonah curses her way out of the room. [03:04] <&Hebizuka> *A regular, featureless room again. No evil creature is waiting for you... this time. There must truly be a god for lewd paladins, because another weapon is on the floor.* [03:05] <Jonah> Mazeworld needs more incense. C'mere, you. [03:05] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 1 - BMS Milcam HB sniper rifle | 5.56x45mm NATO - Bolt-action | Scope[Backup](S) | STANAG 20-round mag, +1 | Weight: 22 - [12+1/20, 13x FMJ] - Cond: Good / Clns: Clean [03:08] * Jonah empties the magazine and the gun's chambered round immediately, shoving the 12 bullets into my half-empty magazine. [03:08] <Jonah> And then I just take this one as a spare, 'cause why not. [03:08] <&Hebizuka> *Filled up the [18/30] STANAG magazine up to [30/30, 30x FMJ].* [03:09] <&Hebizuka> *You acquired the following:* [03:09] <&Hebizuka> [Ammunition] 5.56x45mm NATO, FMJ, 1 round - Weight: 0.01 [03:09] <&Hebizuka> *The one round of 5.56 was placed in Vest/Main.* [03:10] <&Hebizuka> [Vest/Main] 1.86/5 [03:13] <Jonah> Then I take the leftovers, slot it back in the old gun's magazine, take the 20 round magazine, take the scope as well, attach that shit to the H&K, shove the small magazine into my vest, and then take the gun. [03:14] * Jonah drones on in a slow, mechanical monotone as she scavenges the gun. Covered in blood and with a broadsword on her back, it's definitely an unnerving sight. [03:15] <&Hebizuka> *You have acquired the following:* [03:16] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon accessory] Magazine: STANAG 20-round magazine. Size tier: Medium ; Weight: 1+0.01 (1.01) - [1/20, 1x FMJ] [03:16] <&Hebizuka> *This was placed in Vest/Mags.* [03:16] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon accessory] Scope: Backup scope (3x) [03:16] <&Hebizuka> *This was equipped to the HK416.* [03:23] <&Hebizuka> *The Milcam is a bit too heavy, you will not be able to fit it in the backpack.* [03:24] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [03:24] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 3351 - Roomstyle: 292 [03:25] <&Hebizuka> *A dilapidated laundry room. All of the washing machines have been destroyed. There is yet another weapon on the floor. No creature in sight. You have the feeling you're coming dangerously close from something evil.* [03:25] <Jonah> Let's see what we have here. [03:26] <&Hebizuka> [Weapon] Class 3 - Steyr GB pistol | 9x19mm Parabellum - Semi-auto | No accessory | GB 18-round mag, +1 | Weight: 3 - [9+1/18, 10x FMJ] - Cond: Bad / Clns: Seized-up [03:26] * Jonah opens all the washing machines and peeks inside, for kicks. [03:26] <&Hebizuka> *There's nothing but scrap metal in there.* [03:26] <Jonah> Well, you know what they say. [03:26] <Jonah> Always keep a bullet for yourself. [03:26] * Jonah slides that onto herself, since it's not like it'll make her chances /worse./ [03:27] <Jonah> Right, okay, so. [03:28] <&Hebizuka> *Equipped the Steyr GB.* [03:28] * Jonah takes out her H&K assault rifle, and spares the Benelli. [03:28] <&Hebizuka> *The finish of the pistol looks like it's been through hell three times. There isn't a spot on the weapon that doesn't look like it has severe wear.* [03:29] <&Hebizuka> *Racking the Steyr GB slide is difficult and cranky. You have the impression of holding a cheese grater.* [03:29] <&Hebizuka> *Swap the M4S90 for the HK416 - confirm?* [03:30] <Jonah> *Confirm* [03:31] <&Hebizuka> *Please wait...* [03:42] <&Hebizuka> *Weapon swap complete.* [03:42] <&Hebizuka> [Pack/Main] 17.48/40 [03:43] <Jonah> Alright. [03:43] <Jonah> Time to meet destiny. [03:43] <Jonah> !mrooms1 [03:43] <&Hebizuka> [ Jonah ] Unique door: 1603 - Roomstyle: 349 [03:49] <&Hebizuka> *You enter a dilapidated, featureless room. Before you stands a tall, red-skinned demonic creature. At first, you would be forgiven to think it is another foocubus...* [03:49] <Jonah> Hello, Asmodeus, my old friend. [03:49] <Jonah> I've come to speak with you again. [03:49] <&Hebizuka> *But a few details throw this judgment off. First of all, the creature before you is hermaphrodite. Next, it -radiates- evil.* [03:49] <&Hebizuka> *You are facing Asmodeus, Demon Lord of Lust.* [03:50] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Mmmm. [03:50] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Jonah, huh? The failed little paladin? [03:50] * Jonah just shrugs and gestures towards its dick. "From where I'm standing I'm still bigger than you." [03:51] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] I hear you've been given a cock, indeed. I also heard that you want to fuck shrine maidens now? My oh my. What are you even doing here, facing me? You should be on the dark side with your blasphemous desires. *grin* [03:52] <Jonah> Yeah, but then I'd have to /share/ and Hell knows nobody wants your sloppy seconds. [03:52] <Jonah> It's just not worth it, you know? If you fucked Carolyn she'd be all loose and floppy for me. [03:53] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Heh. You have a point. With that said, this isn't important right now. Right now, you're in my way, and the violent option isn't the best one. So let me offer you a deal... [03:53] <Jonah> Listening. [03:53] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] If you surrender to me, I'll make it painless, perhaps pleasurable. [03:54] <Jonah> No wonder you're the lowest on the rung, you /suck/ at dealmaking. [03:55] <Jonah> I mean, at least add in Carolyn's and Ayako's souls or something, then I'd be interested. [03:55] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Cmon. It's my desk job! It's boring to manage the red tape of every sexual demon in the Mazes and beyond. [03:55] <Jonah> Wait, wait hold up. [03:55] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] You don't think I want to have fun sometimes? [03:56] <Jonah> Are you seriously telling me the only reason you got the job was because you straight up have the biggest cock in all of Hell. [03:56] <Jonah> I thought you guys would have, I dunno, /administrative capabilities./ [03:56] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] I got the job because His Satanic Love, Lucifer, saw that I was the most powerful of sex demons. [03:57] <Jonah> So because you have the biggest metaphorical cock in all of Hell, got it. [03:57] <Jonah> So, Asmodeus, I gotta say - I feel for you. [03:57] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Well I can make it the biggest cock -physically- if I want to. [03:57] <Jonah> Good /lord/ it sucks when you can't have any fun. [03:57] <~SU_Tempest> *She snaps her fingers, and suddenly her penis grows four times its usual size. It's wider than a baseball bat, now.* [03:57] <~SU_Tempest> *She snaps them again, and it returns to whatever size it was earlier.* [03:58] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] See? Incubi can't do that. I automatically win every circlerjerking competition ever. [03:58] <Jonah> Yeah, that must be an /amazing/ partytrick. [03:58] <Jonah> Tell you what, here's a counteroffer. [03:58] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] It gets old after awhile. That said, I'm surprised, Jonah. You are suppsoed to be on the good guy team. Your job resume says "paladin", and you feel for me? [03:59] <Jonah> Winner gets to fuck loser's corpse. Or ashes, whatever. [03:59] <Jonah> Bitch, please. I couldn't do my job i I didn't empathize. [03:59] <Jonah> Sm [04:00] <Jonah> Smite and cleave, smite and cleave - that's far too oldschool for my tastes. [04:00] <Jonah> @cover [04:00] <MazeBot> A static tactical shield, "Defender" model. (Health: 60, LDV modifier: -3. AC Eqv: Kevlar-4. Pass-through threshold: 12+ dmg. Pain modifier: x0.50) [04:00] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] No restrictions on how the winner fucks the loser? [04:00] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] This is kinda important. [04:00] <Jonah> Well, that depends. [04:00] <Jonah> Can you retain your body after you're dead? [04:01] <Jonah> Because if I'm left jerking over ashes, it's not that fun for me. [04:01] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] I don't flare up like a pussy if that's what you're asking. [04:01] <Jonah> Yeah, no restrictions. Go ahead and literally split me in two, I'll be dead anyways. [04:01] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] AWESOME! *She jumps on the floor like an excited little girl.* [04:01] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] OK, let's fight then! [04:02] <Jonah> Just don't cry when I desecrate your body with my HOLY AVENGER! [04:02] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Wait, that's seriously how you named your cock? Geez, I can see why you hate yourself... [04:03] <Jonah> Man, there are only /so many ways/ a Paladin can name their cock thematically. [04:03] <Jonah> If you have ideas, I will be grateful. [04:03] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Enough cocktalk, more sword-fighting! [04:03] <~SU_Tempest> *Asmodeus takes a fighting stance.* [04:03] <Jonah> COME AT ME. [04:03] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] THE BITCH ALWAYS COMES FIRST. [04:03] * Jonah then immediately dives for sweet, sweet cover. [04:04] <&Hebizuka> *You may roll to take cover.* [04:04] <Jonah> @roll 2d6 [04:04] <MazeBot> Jonah: 7 [04:05] <&Hebizuka> *Success!* [04:06] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus does not choose to look for cover. Thus you are free to act for the first turn.* [04:06] <&Hebizuka> *Turn 1. What is your next move?* [04:06] <Jonah> *Asmodeus's eyes, H&K full auto, 30 rounds.* [04:08] <Jonah> Turn on the laser sight, /then/ center the target and pull the trigger. [04:10] <&Hebizuka> *AN/PEQ-5 laser sight: ON* [04:11] <&Hebizuka> *You will be aiming at Asmodeus' face, which carries a severe accuracy penalty. Proceed anyway?* [04:13] <Jonah> *Yes. HAIL MARY!* [04:13] <&Hebizuka> *You are the only one to act this turn. You may roll now.* [04:14] <Jonah> @roll 15#2d6 [04:14] <MazeBot> Jonah: 7;9;4;5;9;12;7;5;8;12;10;5;3;6;7 [04:14] <Jonah> @roll 15#2d6 [04:14] <MazeBot> Jonah: 5;7;8;5;10;6;5;8;8;11;5;7;9;5;9 [04:14] <&Hebizuka> *You quite literally shoot 'til it goes empty.* [04:17] <&Hebizuka> (FT 6+2) *Shots 1-4: Miss, Hit, Miss, Miss* [04:17] <&Hebizuka> (FT 7+2) *Shots 5-8: Miss, Critical hit, Miss, Miss* [04:17] <&Hebizuka> (FT 8+2) *Shots 9-12: Miss, Critical hit, Miss, Miss* [04:17] <&Hebizuka> (FT 9+2, rd 10) *Shots 13-16: Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss* [04:17] <&Hebizuka> (FT 10) *Shots 17-20: Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss* [04:17] <&Hebizuka> (FT 10) *Shots 21-24: Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss* [04:17] <&Hebizuka> (FT 10) *Shots 25-28: Hit, Miss, Miss, Miss* [04:17] <&Hebizuka> (FT 10) *Shots 29-30: Miss, Miss* [04:17] <&Hebizuka> *Total hits: 4/30, including 2 critical hits* [04:18] <&Hebizuka> *Hits 1, 2 and 3 are AP. Hit 4 is FMJ.* [04:21] <&Hebizuka> *The few bullets that hit seem to have caused some moderate amount of pain to the demon lord...* [04:21] <&Hebizuka> *The HK416 stops its infernal blare when the magazine runs out. 30 rounds can go very fast.* [04:21] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus looks hurt, but not quite dead yet.* [04:21] <&Hebizuka> *End of Turn 1.* [04:22] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] You -little shit-. *She snaps her fingers again, her male sex organ growing in size again.* [04:22] <&Hebizuka> *Turn 2. What is your next move?* [04:22] <Jonah> If I die I'M SURE AS HELL NOT LETTING YOU ENJOY THE EYECANDY! [04:23] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] If you die, I'm going to fuck every orifice I can, and I'll carve some new ones when I'm done with you! [04:23] * Jonah grabs a full magazine and reloads as fast as she possibly can. [04:23] <&Hebizuka> *Grab which magazine? [30/30 FMJ] [30/30 FMJ] [1/20 FMJ] ?* [04:23] <Jonah> Good luck doing that when you're *more blind than a chronic masturbator!* [04:24] <Jonah> *[30/30 FMJ]* [04:24] <&Hebizuka> *You drop the empty magazine on the floor, grab one of the thirties from your vest, jam it home and slap the bolt release as fast as you can.* [04:24] <&Hebizuka> *HK416 is now [29+1/30, 30x FMJ]* [04:25] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus' turn...* [04:26] <&Hebizuka> *The demon lord deploys its wings, and flies towards you, ignoring your cover. You think she's about to hurt you with some dong... But she's about to deck you with an old-fashioned punch!* [04:26] <&Hebizuka> @bodyaim [04:26] <MazeBot> [UPPER BODY] Torso (Chest, back) [04:26] <&Hebizuka> @roll 2d6 [04:26] <MazeBot> Hebizuka: 8 [04:27] <&Hebizuka> *Hit! The demon lord has a lot more strength than you anticipated - you're thrown on your ass, and it hurts a LOT!* [04:29] <&Hebizuka> *You are in pain. Your heart rate increase and your accuracy decreases.* [04:29] <&Hebizuka> *The punch was so powerful she broke your ribs.* [04:29] <&Hebizuka> *You feel you're more sensitive to pain.* [04:30] <Jonah> Fucking idiot, /don't hurt my funbags they're my best feature!/ [04:30] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Your boobs suck! Mine can change sizes at will! [04:30] <&Hebizuka> *End of Turn 2.* [04:31] <&Hebizuka> *Turn 3. What is your next move?* [04:32] <Jonah> Yeah, to /sagging, wrinkly bags of skin!/ [04:33] <Jonah> *Asmodeus's eyes, H&K full auto, 30 rounds.* [04:36] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus will attempt delivering a kick at you!* [04:36] <&Hebizuka> *Order this turn: Asmodeus, You.* [04:37] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus's turn...* [04:37] <&Hebizuka> @bodyaim [04:37] <MazeBot> [LIMB] Left leg [04:37] <&Hebizuka> @roll 2d6 [04:37] <MazeBot> Hebizuka: 2 [04:38] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus trips on her own penis and slams her face on the floor.* [04:38] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] OH FUCKING HEL-*wham* [04:38] <Jonah> IT'S NOT HOW BIG IT IS, IT'S HOW YOU USE IT! [04:39] <&Hebizuka> *The accident hurt Asmo even more...* [04:39] <&Hebizuka> *Your turn. You may roll now.* [04:39] <Jonah> @roll 15#2d6 [04:39] <MazeBot> Jonah: 7;6;4;2;4;9;7;8;10;3;4;7;6;6;7 [04:39] <Jonah> @roll 15#2d6 [04:39] <MazeBot> Jonah: 5;4;9;7;10;7;10;3;7;4;9;9;10;4;12 [04:40] <&Hebizuka> *Malfunction check: PASS! No malfunction this turn.* [04:40] <&Hebizuka> *Again, you try to dump a full magazine into the demon lord's face.* [04:41] <&Hebizuka> *Shots 1-29: Misses, without exception* [04:41] <&Hebizuka> *Shot 30: Critical hit* [04:42] <&Hebizuka> *ONE bullet hits out of the thirty you full-auto-mag-dumped.* [04:43] <&Hebizuka> *It struck Asmodeus' face, not the eye proper, and she screams in rage more than in pain.* [04:43] <&Hebizuka> *End of Turn 3.* [04:44] <&Hebizuka> *Turn 4. What is your next move?* [04:46] <Jonah> For fuck's sake how much did Lucy blow on you just so you could survive his throatfucking!? [04:46] * Jonah grabs her /other/ full mag and slides it right in/ [04:47] <~SU_Tempest> *Asmodeus wipes blood running on her face with a fist, and stands ready to attack.* [04:48] <&Hebizuka> *You immediately drop another empty mag, slamming your last thirty-rounder home and releasing yet again the bolt release. The HK416 is now at [29+1/30, 30x FMJ].* [04:49] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus' turn...* [04:49] <&Hebizuka> *She gets REALLY mad and REALLY angry. She's about to try a high kick to your face!* [04:49] <&Hebizuka> @roll 2d6 [04:49] <MazeBot> Hebizuka: 8 [04:49] <&Hebizuka> *Which she misses. But just barely.* [04:50] <Jonah> WE AGREED TO FUCKING /AFTER/ ONE OF US DIES! [04:50] <&Hebizuka> *Asmo ends up spinning twice on herself before stopping.* [04:50] * Jonah leans in as fast as she can to try and bite Asmodeus's cock. [04:50] <Jonah> Nuts. [04:50] <&Hebizuka> *End of Turn 4.* [04:51] <&Hebizuka> *Turn 5. Next move?* [04:51] <Jonah> *Asmodeus's eyes, 30 rounds, full-auto.* [04:52] <&Hebizuka> *Asmo will attempt punching you again, going for a stomach hit.* [04:52] <Jonah> And I die. [04:52] <&Hebizuka> *Order this turn: Asmodeus, You.* [04:52] <&Hebizuka> *Asmo's turn...* [04:52] <&Hebizuka> @roll 2d6 [04:52] <MazeBot> Hebizuka: 7 [04:53] <&Hebizuka> *You receive a solid slug to the stomach, which causes extra pain due to those broken ribs...* [04:54] <&Hebizuka> *Your upper body takes a severe beating! You're now in agony, and are dangerously close from passing out. Your heart rate is extreme; panic is settling in!* [04:55] <&Hebizuka> *Your turn. You may roll now.* [04:56] <Jonah> @roll 15#2d6 [04:56] <MazeBot> Jonah: 11;7;10;3;11;5;3;5;9;6;8;7;11;8;10 [04:56] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] You should have given up! [04:56] <Jonah> @roll 15#2d6 [04:56] <MazeBot> Jonah: 12;6;3;3;6;8;11;4;8;3;8;10;9;7;6 [04:56] <Jonah> AND DIE LIKE A PUSSY? FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU. [04:57] <&Hebizuka> *Shots 1, 5, 13, 16, and 22 are hits (shot 16 is a critical hit). All other shots are misses.* [04:57] <&Hebizuka> *Total 5/30 hits including 1 critical hit* [04:59] <&Hebizuka> *One of those bullets have sprayed a lot of blood! Looks like that critical hit blew Asmodeus' left eye!* [04:59] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] AAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH [05:00] <Jonah> FUCKING. [05:00] <Jonah> FINALLY. [05:00] <&Hebizuka> *A lot of dark colored blood is starting to deposit on the floor... it all belongs to Asmodeus, due to your repeated shooting of her face.* [05:01] <&Hebizuka> *The Demon Lord is in agony, and has also lost an eye. This means she suffers from perception loss. You can see the Demon Lord is losing balance and looks completely disoriented... [05:02] <&Hebizuka> *End of Turn 5...* [05:03] <&Hebizuka> *The Demon Lord looks pissed, has a shot-out eye, and is seething and trembling in absolute rage. So much that she still finds the energy to have a huge erection.* [05:03] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] I WILL KILL YOU I WILL KILL YOU I WILL KILL YOU [05:03] <Jonah> NOT BEFORE I MAKE YOU LESS OF A MAN! [05:03] <Jonah> *Asmodeus's cock, BROADSWORD TWO SWINGS* [05:04] <Jonah> TIME TO SWORDFIGHT! [05:04] <&Hebizuka> *With numerous bullet holes in the face, Asmo looks disfigured, her demonic beauty ruined by 5.56mm wounds.* [05:05] <&Hebizuka> *Turn 6. What is your next move?* [05:05] <Jonah> *Asmodeus's cock, BROADSWORD TWO SWINGS* [05:06] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus will attempt punching you yet again!* [05:07] <&Hebizuka> *Order this turn: Asmo, You.* [05:07] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus' turn...* [05:07] <&Hebizuka> @bodyaim [05:07] <MazeBot> [UPPER BODY] Torso (Chest, back) [05:07] <&Hebizuka> @roll 2d6 [05:07] <MazeBot> Hebizuka: 6 [05:07] <&Hebizuka> *Her fist pathetically swings at the air. You don't even feel in danger.* [05:07] <&Hebizuka> *Your turn. You may roll now - beware, you're also in agony.* [05:10] <Jonah> @roll 2#2d6 [05:10] <MazeBot> Jonah: 6;10 [05:12] <&Hebizuka> *Hits 1-2: Miss, Hit.* [05:13] <&Hebizuka> *You manage, despite being very shaky, to send your blade slamming on Asmodeus' penis. It doesn't seem to hurt her any more than if you had slashed one of her legs, though.* [05:14] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus looks like she's mere inches from keeling over, but she gathers every last little inchling of her demonic forces to stay awake... She is visibly incredibly close from passing out.* [05:14] <&Hebizuka> *End of Turn 6.* [05:15] <&Hebizuka> *Turn 7. What is your next move?* [05:17] <Jonah> *Asmodeus's Torso, Two swings.* [05:17] <Jonah> SMITE [05:18] <Jonah> AND [05:18] <Jonah> CLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE [05:19] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus will attempt to deliver a kick at you, in total desperation.* [05:19] <&Hebizuka> *Order this turn: Asmodeus, You.* [05:19] <&Hebizuka> @bodyaim [05:19] <MazeBot> [UPPER BODY] Torso (Chest, back) [05:19] <&Hebizuka> @roll 2d6 [05:19] <MazeBot> Hebizuka: 7 [05:19] <&Hebizuka> *She can't manage a proper form, and just half-asses a kick in the air.* [05:19] <&Hebizuka> *Your turn. You may roll now.* [05:19] <Jonah> @roll 2#2d6 [05:19] <MazeBot> Jonah: 10;5 [05:21] <&Hebizuka> *Hits 1-2: Hit, Miss* [05:22] <&Hebizuka> *Asmodeus passes out on the floor, unable to withstand further damage.* [05:22] <&Hebizuka> *It seems however that she's barely clinging to life. She's blacked out, but she is not dead.* [05:22] <&Hebizuka> *End of fight - enemy is helpless. (7 turns)* [05:23] <&Hebizuka> *You can choose to execute Asmodeus using your broadsword, by stabbing her in any part of her body. It will deliver a killing hit.* [05:27] * Jonah cuts that penis RIGHT OFF and keeps it as a trophy. [05:27] <&Hebizuka> *Stab. It doesn't come off, but it does end Asmodeus.* [05:27] <&Hebizuka> Jonah [M.Broadsword] Asmodeus [05:28] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Mmmmrf. [05:29] <~SU_Tempest> *The Demon Lord slowly lifts herself on her knees, shaking her head. She has the mightiest pout on her face - like an angry child.* [05:29] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Fuck's sake, Jonah. You screwed me up. [05:29] <Jonah> I'll be honest. [05:29] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] A promise is a promise. [05:29] <Jonah> If I hadn't blinded you I would have exploded myself. [05:29] <Jonah> So - yeah, sorry, I had no intention of keeping my part of the bargin. [05:30] <&Hebizuka> *She lifts her hand at you, and delivers a contact hit Lust Blast. * [05:30] <&Hebizuka> *You find yourself turned on.* [05:30] <Jonah> I AM OKAY WITH THIS. [05:30] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] Just go ahead, you stupid paladin... [05:30] <~SU_Tempest> *She stays on that all-fours position, looking dejected.* [05:31] * Jonah cackles and drops both her sword and her pants, despite the sheer discomfort of the multiple broken ribs. [05:31] <Jonah> If you insist, baby, don't worry. [05:31] <Jonah> I'll make it good for the both of us. [05:31] <~SU_Tempest> [Asmodeus] You are horribly cliché. Get on with it. [05:32] <&Hebizuka> [SE] Jonah raped Asmodeus. *I can't believe I just wrote that* [05:34] <&Hebizuka> Checkout [05:35] <&Hebizuka> 11 creatures defeated, 1 Demon Lord killed [05:37] <&Hebizuka> =Today's stats= (Legend: Hits/Attempts) [05:37] <&Hebizuka> Shots fired 16/96 [05:37] <&Hebizuka> Melee hits 3/5 [05:37] <&Hebizuka> TOTAL: 19/101 (19%) [05:37] <&Hebizuka> =All-time NotM stats= [05:37] <&Hebizuka> Shots fired 35/117 (30%) [05:37] <&Hebizuka> Melee hits 3/5 (60%) [05:37] <&Hebizuka> TOTAL: 38/122 (Accuracy 31%) [05:38] <&Hebizuka> Total NotM stats: [05:38] <&Hebizuka> 11 kills, 1/7 Demon Lords, 1 SE [05:38] <&Hebizuka> Shotgun: 7 pts [05:38] <&Hebizuka> Pistol: 3 pts [05:38] <&Hebizuka> Piercing-type: 1 pt [05:38] <&Hebizuka> Headshot kills: 5 [05:38] <&Hebizuka> Brutal kills: 5 [05:39] <&Hebizuka> All stats will be transferred to Jonah's main stats. [05:39] <&Hebizuka> Night of the Mazes 2014 is over! See you next year!